Beyond Giving Up Chocolate

Beyond Giving Up Chocolate: A Parent’s Journey Through Lent
By Dianne Pawlowski, OAPCE Nipissing/Parry Sound Director

As Ash Wednesday approaches each year, my children and I inevitably begin our usual Lenten conversation: What are we going to give up this year? I can almost hear the familiar answers echoing through my mind—“I’ll give up chocolate,” or “I’ll stop fighting with my brother.” As a mom, I’ve come to expect these answers, and I remember having similar thoughts when I was their age—things that seemed significant at the time, but were more about sacrifice than true growth.

With each passing year, as my children grow, so does my desire to help them embrace Lent on a deeper level. It’s not just about giving something up—it’s about transformation. The three pillars of Lent—prayer, fasting, and almsgiving—are opportunities for spiritual growth. 

I’m reminded of one particular Lent when my middle son, about 10 at the time, decided to give up pop. He was determined, proud of his commitment, and the first few weeks were easy enough—after all, we weren’t buying it at home. But one Sunday, we went to church, and there it was—a cold can of pop offered during fellowship. The temptation was overwhelming. As the can was placed in his hand, he froze. I could see the internal struggle on his face—he wanted to keep his promise to God. Then, tears. He wanted a sip, but he had promised not to drink pop.

Just then, another parishioner approached and gently said, “Remember, fasting doesn’t always mean giving something up completely. You could have it on Sundays, you know!” I chuckled under my breath—the Sunday loophole, Sundays are not counted in the 40 days of Lent! But my son wasn’t swayed. After a deep breath, he smiled and said, “I think I’m okay. I’ll stick with it.”

By the end of Lent, my son had completely lost interest in pop. He didn’t crave it anymore and turned it down on his own. That break from his habit helped him make better, healthier choices without even realizing it.

Fasting isn’t just about denying ourselves. It’s about creating space for something else—whether that’s prayer, reflection, or growth. By consuming less—whether it’s food, entertainment, or distractions—we make room for what’s important. In those moments, we invite God to transform us, preparing us to embrace the joy of Easter.

The song Sign Us with Ashes by Mark Friedman beautifully guides us through the three pillars of Lent—prayer, fasting, and almsgiving—reminding us how each one brings us closer to God. The chorus reminds us:
“Sign us with ashes, the sign of your cross,
Give us the grace to know your mercy, Lord.
Renew our spirits and open our hearts.
Help us remember the love you gave us.”

Prayer: Connecting with God
The song begins with the verse, “Help us pray so we might be, closer to you and to God’s family.” Prayer is the first pillar, and it’s worth considering how we can deepen our prayer life during Lent—both individually and as a family. Instead of focusing solely on what we’re giving up, we can also focus on adding more prayer to our lives.

One simple way to deepen your family’s prayer life is by attending an extra Mass each week during Lent. Whether it’s a weekday Mass or a special Lenten service, it’s a practice that extends beyond Lent. Another meaningful way is to set aside a few minutes each evening for family prayers before bedtime. Reflect on the day, offer gratitude, and pray for one another. You could even incorporate the Bible into your bedtime stories, reflecting on how the readings apply to your lives.

A priest once told my children, “Prayer is how we speak to God, but reading the Bible is how God speaks to us.” By reading the Bible together, we invite God’s guidance, letting His words shape our hearts and minds.

Fasting: A Journey of Transformation
The lyrics in the next verse remind us of the pillar of fasting: “Help us fast so we might know the wants of those within God’s family.” Fasting isn’t just about giving something up for the sake of it. It’s about reducing something in our lives to create space for what’s more important—prayer, reflection, or empathy for others.

Fasting could mean reducing screen time, eating more mindfully, or letting go of unnecessary distractions. It helps us grow in empathy and compassion as we open our hearts to the needs of others.

Almsgiving: Living Generosity
The song’s verse on almsgiving says, “Help us give, so we might share, of what we have to serve God’s family.” Almsgiving is about more than just donations—it’s about sharing what we have, whether that’s time, talents, or resources.

As a family, we can make regular donations, volunteer together, or commit to serving those in need each week. Volunteering together teaches children that generosity is about showing up for others, not just giving things away. It’s a beautiful way to model Christ’s love and to remind us that our blessings are not just for us but for others. 

The Growing Journey of Parenthood and Faith
As parents, we have the privilege and responsibility to guide our children through this season of reflection and growth. But just as we guide our children in their faith, we too are growing in our understanding of Lent. It’s a reminder that, like when my youngest son recently suggested, “Oh, I’ll give up bacon… on Fridays?”—we all have room to grow. This journey of parenthood and faith is full of moments of humor, struggle, and transformation.

Through the song Sign Us with Ashes, we see that each act of praying, fasting, and giving isn’t just about sacrifice—it’s about opening ourselves to God’s love, grace, and mercy. Through these pillars, we—and our children—become the people God wants us to be.

SONG: Sign us with ashes – Mark Friedman